theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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