I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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