he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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