yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
