Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
