How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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