Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
