She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
