she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
