I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize