I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
