this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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