but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
