let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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