I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
