i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
