Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Holy shit dude........stairs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
