i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
