I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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