just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
