I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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