I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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