i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
