but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
