put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
