my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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