How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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