Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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