direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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