so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
