Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
