she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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