So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
