Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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