About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
