im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
