Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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