just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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