Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
