Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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