when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
