sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
