My friends, they love my intelligence
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
