Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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