Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
