what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
