If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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