I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
