a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was CRYING into my vagina
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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