I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
