Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
