Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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