I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
