apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
