he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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