9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
