my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
