Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
