my mouth tastes like poor choices
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
