She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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