my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
