I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
