So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
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I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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