Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
