Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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