3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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