Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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