a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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