He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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