I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
