Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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